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The Gods are Monsters

Antigoddess by Kendare Blake

Written by Kendare Blake

Greek gods have always been a source of fascination to me. They are on the one hand, gods, with all that descriptor entails: extreme power, knowledge, immortality. On the other hand, they are oddly human, with more flaws than even their mortal subjects. They’re childish, petty, violent and not above backstabbing. When they do try to help they often do more harm than good (hiding someone by turning them into a tree is not a solution based on good judgment). And considering the oppressive way they ruled, and the punishments doled out at the slightest infraction, “god” probably isn’t the best word for them.

In Antigoddess, the Greek gods are dying. Their deaths seem to come from their very core, their own corruption manifesting itself physically: Poseidon is overtaken by barnacles and slicing coral, his blood turned black as an oil spill. Aphrodite burns with fever and madness, all the love she’s wielded like a weapon on mortals rebounded on her a hundredfold. They’re monsters now, certainly. But weren’t they always? The Greek gods would curse you as soon as look at you. They crushed cities with earthquakes. They waged wars for amusement, treated mortals as if they were plastic soldiers rather than flesh and blood, and held grudges for generations. Sure, they spared some. They even loved some. But with all that red in the bad column, you have to wonder if what’s killing them isn’t just karma.

Or perhaps it isn’t fair to judge them so harshly. Their flaws are our flaws. It’s just that they have the luxury of being untouchable. There’s a scene in Homer’s The Iliad, where the gods, who have been orchestrating the Trojan War, finally grow incensed enough to join the battle physically. They face off. Ares boxes Athena in the ears and she goes crying to Zeus. None sustain real injuries or score real progress in the battle. It’s a temper tantrum. It’s a farce. There will be no lasting scars.

Invulnerability is the monster’s crutch, as it would be for most flawed creatures. Power corrupts, as they say. And absolute power…well. You know. Take it away and you’re left with a panicked, grasping, desperate being with all of a human’s emotional issues and enough muscle to toss a Mack truck.

So when a god of Antigoddess knocks on the door of teenager Cassandra Weaver, it isn’t a savior she sees but a monster. A powerful, frightened monster who has spent an eternity mowing down mortals with no concept of consequence, no concept of time, and no understanding of after. Cassandra sees a god bearing scars, a being that isn’t a force or an embodied idea. It isn’t divine. It walks like a human and bleeds like a human. It wants like a human. But it isn’t human. And Cassandra knows by instinct that it’s going to hurt everyone around her, even when it’s trying to help. That’s just what monsters do.

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From the Tor/Forge September 9th newsletter. Sign up to receive our newsletter via email.

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Waiting on Wednesday: Antigoddess Sweepstakes

Poster Placeholder of - 69 Kendare Blake’s Antigoddess doesn’t hit shelves until September 10, but we have a chance for you to win a copy now!

We have four copies to give away. To enter for the chance to win one, comment below and tell us what your Waiting on Wednesday pick is this week.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. You must be 18 or older and a legal resident of the 50 United States or D.C. to enter. Promotion begins July 31, 2013 at 10:00 a.m. ET. and ends August 6, 2013 12:00 p.m. ET. Void in Puerto Rico and wherever prohibited by law. Please see full details and official rules go here. Sponsor: Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.

Not at San Diego Comic-Con Sweepstakes

Tor Books is heading to San Diego Comic-Con!

Place holder  of - 59We hope to see many of you there. Stop by Booth #2707 to say hi or to participate in one of our many events and signings.

But for those of you who couldn’t make it out to California, we wanted to offer you the chance to grab some of the same amazing swag and books that we’re promoting at #SDCC. To enter for the chance to win one of these five prize bundles, leave a comment on this post telling us one fabulous thing that you’ll be doing this week while you are #NotAtComicCon. Whether you’re battling Dragon Army, matching wits with Tyrion Lannister, or chauffeuring your kids to soccer practice, we hope that you have a wonderful week.

Here’s a look at the prize:

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And here’s a list of what’s included in each prize bundle:

  • Ender’s Game movie poster
  • Ender’s Game T-shirt and cap
  • Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card
  • The Way of Kings quote magnets
  • Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake
  • Article 5 by Kristen Simmons
  • The Eternity Artifact by L. E. Modesitt, Jr.
  • The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan
  • The Eye of the World: The Graphic Novel: Volume 3 based on the novel by Robert Jordan, written by Chuck Dixon, and illustrated by Marcio Fiorito and Francis Nuguit
  • Forge of Darkness by Steven Erikson
  • Girl Genius Omnibus Volume One by Phil Foglio and Kaja Foglio
  • Halo: Glasslands by Karen Traviss
  • Homeland by Cory Doctorow
  • The Hum and the Shiver by Alex Bledsoe
  • The Human Division by John Scalzi
  • Hunters of Dune by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson
  • Ironskin by Tina Connolly
  • Johnny Hiro: Half Asian, All Hero by Fred Chao
  • London Falling by Paul Cornell
  • The Omen Machine by Terry Goodkind
  • River Road by Suzanne Johnson
  • Sea Change by S. M. Wheeler
  • The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga
  • Wild Cards I edited by George R. R. Martin

Plus, one winner will receive this display exclusive – a Redshirts booth poster!

Redshirts SDCC Booth Display Poster

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. You must be 18 or older and a legal resident of the 50 United States or D.C. to enter. Promotion begins July 18, 2013 at 10:00 a.m. ET. and ends July 22, 2013, 12:00 p.m. ET. Void in Puerto Rico and wherever prohibited by law. Please see full details and official rules go here. Sponsor: Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.

Tor Books Announces Programming for San Diego Comic-Con 2013

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Celebrating LOCUS Magazine’s Best Publisher for the 26th year in a row!

Once again Tor (Booth# 2707) continues our wildly popular *in-booth signings and giveaways, offering you a chance to meet your favorite authors up close and personal and pick up free books.

We’ve got a great line up including appearances by CORY DOCTOROW, BRANDON SANDERSON, and a special appearance and celebration for beloved Tor author JAY LAKE, author of Mainspring, Escapement, Green, Pinion, Endurance, and Kalimpura.

The big news this year is Summit Entertainment’s showcase for the highly anticipated film adaptation of

ENDER’S GAME

Coming to theaters November 1, 2013!

Summit will present never-before-seen new footage, appearances by cast members and filmmakers, and several massive, interactive fan events. A full slate of activities related to the film to be unveiled at this year’s Comic-Con, including:

Hall H Panel – The studio’s panel on Thursday, July 18th 3:50-4:50pm will feature ENDER’S GAME filmmakers and cast, including producer Bob Orci, director Gavin Hood, and cast members Harrison Ford, Asa Butterfield, Hailee Steinfeld and Abigail Breslin.

Exclusive Fan Experience – Attendees will be able to visit an elaborate, specially constructed ENDER’S GAME exhibit outside of the Hilton Gaslamp, featuring 8 unique rooms representing the most iconic environments of Ender’s world, complete with original film props and set pieces used in the movie. Throughout the experience, attendees will be able to see exclusive film footage on LED screens, interact with new digital content, integrate photos of themselves into the highly anticipated Battle Room, and register to win a home make over.

Convention Floor Booth – Summit Entertainment’s booth located within the Grand Hall will highlight ENDER’S GAME footage. Premium promotional items will be distributed to the 120,000 attendees walking the convention floor, and booth visitors will be given the opportunity to win “fast passes” to the ENDER’S Game Exclusive Fan Experience, granting them entry without having to wait in line.

Thursday, July 18th

  • 10:30 – 11:30am Panel: Paranormal Passion, Room 24ABC
    Tor Teen favorite Kendare Blake (Antigoddess) joins Maryelizabeth Hart of Mysterious Galaxy for a discussion with Christine Feehan (Guest of Honor), Claudia Gray (Spellcaster) and others to discuss the inclusion of romantic elements in their action-packed novels.
  • 12 – 1pm Signing to follow in the autographing area, Table AA09
  • 12pm Tor Booth (#2707) Giveaway! The Hum and the Shiver by Alex Bledsoe, a Kirkus Reviews Top Pick for 2011!
  • 1:45 – 2:45pm Panel: Ode to Nerds, Room 6A
    Everyone knows that published science fiction authors reign on the Geek Heirarchy charts because the Internet tells us so! Join us on this epic panel as the genre’s top names in publishing celebrate all things geeky and nerdy with Charlie Jane Anders of io9.com! Geek out with Charlie Jane and Cory Doctorow (The Rapture of the Nerds), Chuck Palahniuk (Doomed), Austin Grossman and others.
  • 3:15 – 4:15pm Signing to follow in the autographing area, Table AA09
  • 2pm Tor Booth (#2707) KENDARE BLAKE will sign advanced copies of Antigoddess
  • 5pm Tor Booth (#2707) Bestselling author CORY DOCTOROW will sign copies of Pirate Cinema

Friday, July 19th

  • 12pm Tor Booth (#2707) JAY LAKE has candidly documented his battle with cancer on his blog and will appear at Comic-Con thanks to the kindness of friends and family. Tor is proud to host an in-booth signing and will offer copies of Green.
  • 2pm Tor Booth (#2707) Dr. Who writer, PAUL CORNELL will sign copies of London Falling
  • 2:30 – 3:30pm Panel: Epic Fantasy, Room 24ABC
    Brandon Sanderson (Mistborn and the Wheel of Time series) joins genre’s biggest authors as they discuss the worlds of their own creation and what fantasy has to say about our own world: Robin Hobb (Blood of Dragons), Christopher Paolini (the Inheritance cycle), and Daniel Abraham (The Tyrant’s Law) and others.
  • 4 – 5pm Signing to follow in the autographing area, Table AA09
  • 5pm Tor Booth (#2707) New York Times bestselling author BRANDON SANDERSON will sign copies of The Way of Kings
  • 7 – 8pm Panel: Publishing SF/F in the Digital Age, Room 25ABC
    Moderated by Timothy Travaglini (Open Road Integrated Media); authors Kevin J. Anderson (Sisterhood of Dune), Rebecca Moesta (WordFire Press), Cory Doctorow (Homeland), Andy Briggs (Tarzan: The Greystoke Legacy), Sherri L. Smith (Orleans), and Nick Cole (The Old Man and the Wasteland), and bookseller Maggie Tokuda-Hall (Books, Inc) discuss impact of the digital age on writing, publishing, reading, bookselling, and the traditional book as we know it.

Saturday, July 20th

  • 10 – 11am Panel: Urban Fantasy, Room 7AB
    Paris, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Tucson, and cities of our own imagination come to life when tales of myth and magic are blended with the urban landscape. These stories are collectively known as Urban Fantasy, and many of today’s popular authors are adding their otherworldly ingredients to the melting pots of modern (and not-so-modern) society. Join authors Max Gladstone (Three Parts Dead), Jim Butcher (Cold Days), Kevin J. Anderson (Dan Shamble, Zombie P.I.) and others.
  • 11:30 – 12:30am Signing to follow in the autographing area, Table AA09
  • 12pm Tor Booth (#2707) Giveaway of signed copies of the Ender’s Game movie tie-in novel
  • 5pm Tor Booth (#2707) MAX GLADSTONE will sign advanced copies of Two Serpents Rise

Sunday, July 21st

  • 12pm Tor Booth (#2707) S. M. WHEELER burst on the scene this year with her critically acclaimed debut novel, Sea Change. Meet the author and get a signed copy while supplies last.
  • 2 – 3pm Panel: Witches and Fey, Room 24ABC
    That vamp’s a tramp; this witch is a real bitch. Pixies will pinch; and the fey go beyond fairly frightening. The ghouls are ghastly, and we mere mortals are growing testy. S. M. Wheeler (Sea Change) joins Brom (Krampus), Amber Benson (The Calliope Reaper-Jones series), Seanan McGuire (The October Daye series) and Rachel Caine (the Morganville Vampires series) to provide perspective on the monsters of myth.
  • 3:30 – 4:30pm Signing to follow in the autographing area, Table AA08

Make sure to follow @Torbooks on Twitter for up to date information and last minute events!

All Tor Booth signings are on a first come first serve basis and while supplies lasts. Limit one book per person.

What’s Coming Up for Tor

What’s Coming Up for Tor

Between BEA (Book Expo America), Phoenix Comic Con, and the upcoming San Diego Comic Con and New York Comic Con, we’ve been thinking quite a bit about some of the books we’re excited for this Summer and Fall. So we put together a list of just some of the highlights we have coming up. We hope you’re as excited as we are!

Words of Radiance

Fiddlehead

Thornlost

Watcher of the Dark

Judgement at Proteus

The World of the End

Sea Change

Wisp of a Thing

California Bones

The Eterna Files

Antigoddess

Ender's Game

What are you most looking forward to reading this Summer and Fall?

Find Tor Books at BEA!

Find Tor Books at BEA!

BEABook Expo America 2013 takes place in New York City from May 29th to June 1st and we’ll be there! Take a look below to see which Tor authors, editors, and more will be appearing. Meet Brandon Sanderson, Ellen Datlow, Kendare Blake, and more!

Tor Books will also be present in the Macmillan section at booth 1557 for the entirety of the conference. Stop by and say hello!

Wednesday May 29th

  • Book Blogger Conference Editor Insight Panel with Patrick Nielsen Hayden, Senior Editor at Tor Books (Location TBD). 10:10am-11am.
  • Children’s Librarians Dinner w/Kendare Blake (Anna Dressed in Blood, Antigoddess). 7pm-9pm at the Princeton Club of NY, 15 W. 43rd Street.

Thursday May 30th

Author Signings at Autographing Area (Tor Table #17)

  • Kendare Blake (Anna Dressed in Blood, Antigoddess) 9:30 am-10:30am
  • Dan Krokos (Planet Thieves) 11:30am-12:30pm
  • Brandon Sanderson (The Way of Kings, The Rithmatist) 2pm-3pm (Note: This event is ticketed.)

Friday May 31th

Horror Writers of America Signing at Table #24

  • Ellen Datlow (Queen Victoria’s Book of Spells, Tor.com) 2:30pm-3:30pm

Signings at Booth 1557

  • Brandon Sanderson (The Way of Kings, The Rithmatist) 3:00-4:30pm

Author Signings at Autographing Area (Tor Table #17)

  • V.E. Schwab (Viscious) 2pm-3pm
  • Edward Lazellari (The Lost Prince) 3pm-4pm

YA Collection Sweepstakes

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About our newsletter: Every issue of Tor’s monthly email newsletter features original writing by, and interviews with, Tor authors and editors about upcoming new titles from all Tor and Forge imprints. In addition, we occasionally send out “special edition” newsletters to highlight particularly exciting new projects, programs, or events. Read a sample here >>

If you’re already a newsletter subscriber, you can enter too. We do not automatically enter subscribers into sweepstakes. We promise we won’t send you duplicate copies of the newsletter if you sign up for the newsletter more than once.

Sign up for your chance to win today!

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. You must be 18 or older and a legal resident of the 50 United States or D.C. to enter. Promotion begins March 1 at 12 a.m. ET. and ends March 28, 2013, 11:59 p.m. ET. Void in Puerto Rico and wherever prohibited by law. For Official Rules and to enter, go here. Sponsor: Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.

Ghost Collection Sweepstakes

Ghost Collection Sweepstakes

Sign up for the Tor/Forge Newsletter for a chance to win the following collection:

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About our newsletter: Every issue of Tor’s monthly email newsletter features original writing by, and interviews with, Tor authors and editors about upcoming new titles from all Tor and Forge imprints. In addition, we occasionally send out “special edition” newsletters to highlight particularly exciting new projects, programs, or events.

If you’re already a newsletter subscriber, you can enter too. We do not automatically enter subscribers into sweepstakes. We promise we won’t send you duplicate copies of the newsletter if you sign up for the newsletter more than once.

Sign up for your chance to win today!

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. You must be 18 or older and a legal resident of the 50 United States or D.C. to enter. Promotion begins October 1, 2012 at 12 a.m. ET. and ends October 31, 2012, 11:59 p.m. ET. Void in Puerto Rico and wherever prohibited by law. For Official Rules and to enter, go here. Sponsor: Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.

Announcing the Girls’ Nightmare Out #TorChat!

Announcing Girls’ Nightmare Out!

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August spells the end of glorious summer days and the return of classrooms and assigned reading. What better way to celebrate the end of summer than with a Young Adult #TorChat, followed by a one-of-a-kind tour!

Tor Books (@torbooks) is thrilled to announce Girls’ Nightmare Out, a week-long event featuring three amazing YA authors: Lisa Desrochers, Kendare Blake, and Marta Acosta!

Girls’ Nightmare Out will launch with the August #TorChat, part of a monthly series of genre-themed, hour-long chats created by Tor Books and hosted on Twitter. The chat will take place on next Wednesday, August 15th, from 4 to 5 PM Eastern. As students all across the country try to squeeze in just one more fun book before picking up their textbooks again, we’ll be joined by Lisa Desrochers (@LisaDez), the author of the Personal Demons trilogy, whose final volume, Last Rite, was published in May; Kendare Blake (@KendareBlake), whose debut took readers and critics alike by storm and whose new novel, Girl of Nightmares, a genre-bending love story drenched in blood and terror, publishes in August; and Marta Acosta (@MartaAcosta), author of the popular Casa Dracula series, as well as her YA debut, the gothic Dark Companion, published on July 3, 2012.

The chat will be loosely moderated by Katie Bartow, the blogger behind Mundie Moms, a popular YA review site. Katie founded Mundie Moms in January 2009 as a place for fans to discuss their favourite YA novels. From there, it grew into a community of fans and reviewers discussing every aspect of YA fiction and chatting with YA authors. Follow the chat and join in by using the Twitter hashtag #TorChat!

In the week following the chat, Girls’ Nightmare Out will take to the road, with Lisa, Kendare, and Marta going on a week-long tour, hitting cities all across the country! Dates and details are on Tor.com.

About the Authors

LISA DESROCHERS burst onto the YA scene in September 2010 with her debut novel Personal Demons, which was an ALA/YALSA Popular Paperback for Young Adults nominee and a Library Journal “Fall First” selection. Desrochers second installment Original Sin was highly anticipated and received rave reviews. And now Tor is proud to announce the release of the conclusion to the thrilling, edgy Personal Demons series, Last Rite, published on May 5, 2012.

With the help of the powerful angel Gabe and demon-turned-mortal Luc, Frannie has been able to stay one step ahead of the forces of Hell. But when the demons killed Frannie’s best friend and destroyed her brother, they raised the stakes. If Frannie wants to keep her family and friends safe, she knows she has no choice but to go on the run. Their best defense is the power Frannie has been struggling to master, but her attempts to hone her skill go horribly awry. If Frannie doesn’t learn fast, the consequences could be devastating—even apocalyptic. What happens when you can’t outrun Hell…or trust the ones you love?

Lisa lives in central California with her husband and two very busy daughters. She has a doctorate in physical therapy and maintains a full time practice. Last Rite is the final installment in the Personal Demons series.

KENDARE BLAKE exploded onto the Young Adult scene with her debut novel, Anna Dressed in Blood. Enthralling New York Times bestselling authors, reviewers, fans, and bloggers alike, Blake adeptly weaves the familiar and the unexpected into a genre-bending, refreshing new take on paranormal romance. Now, she’s back with her eagerly anticipated sequel, Girl of Nightmares, publishing on August 7, 2012.

It’s been months since the ghost of Anna Korlov opened a door to Hell in her basement and disappeared into it, but ghost-hunter Cas Lowood can’t move on. His friends remind him that Anna sacrificed herself so that Cas could live—not walk around half dead. He knows they’re right, but in Cas’s eyes, no living girl he meets can compare to the dead girl he fell in love with. Now he’s seeing Anna everywhere: sometimes when he’s asleep and sometimes in waking nightmares. But something is very wrong…These aren’t just daydreams. Anna seems tortured, torn apart in new and ever more gruesome ways every time she appears. Cas doesn’t know what happened to Anna when she disappeared into Hell, but he knows she doesn’t deserve whatever is happening to her now. Anna saved Cas more than once, and it’s time for him to return the favor.

Kendare holds an MA in Creative Writing from Middlesex University in northern London. She lives and writes in Lynnwood, Washington. Anna Dressed in Blood was among NPR’s Top 5 YA Novels of 2011, ALA/YALSA’s Best Fiction for Young Adults 2011 as well as Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Adult Readers 2011, and Kirkus Reviews’ Best Teen Books of 2011. It was also recognized by the Cybils: Children’s and Young Adult Bloggers’ Literary Awards.

MARTA ACOSTA is the award-winning author of the Casa Dracula series, all of which have hit #1 on Amazon’s Latino Author’s list. Now, Tor Teen is excited to announce the publication of her very first YA novel, the gothic Dark Companion, publishing on July 3, 2012.

Written as an homage to Jane Eyre, Dark Companion is a lush, romantic tale about an orphaned teenager who is chosen to attend an exclusive private school where things are not exactly as they seem. It was originally published on Scrib.com where it garnered over 25,000 reads and became the top YA novel on the site, which was reported by GalleyCat, the New Yorker’s blog, io9.com, and Publishers Weekly. Recently, it was chosen as a selection for the Las Comadres National Latino Book Club for August 2012.

Marta’s novels have been selected as Book Sense, BookPage Notable and Fresh Fiction picks and a Catalina Magazine Humor Book of the Year. In addition to writing fiction, she is a frequent contributor to the San Francisco Chronicle, Publishers Weekly and Contra Costa Times. Marta lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her family.

About #Torchat
#TorChat is a genre-themed, hour-long chat series created by Tor Books and hosted on Twitter. Guest authors join fans in lively, informative and entertaining discussions of all that’s hot in genre fiction, 140 characters at a time, from 4 – 5 PM EST on the third Wednesday of every month. Each #TorChat revolves around a different genre topic of interest, often of a timely nature, and strives to provide a new media opportunity for readers to connect with their favorite authors.

About Tor Books
Tor Books, an imprint of Tom Doherty Associates, LLC, is a New York-based publisher of hardcover and softcover books. Founded in 1980, Tor annually publishes what is arguably the largest and most diverse line of science fiction and fantasy ever produced by a single English-language publisher. In 2002, Tor launched Starscape, an imprint dedicated to publishing quality science fiction and fantasy for young readers, including books by critically acclaimed and award winning authors such as Cory Doctorow, Orson Scott Card, and David Lubar. Between an extensive hardcover and trade-softcover line, an Orb backlist program, and a stronghold in mass-market paperbacks, books from Tor have won every major award in the SF and fantasy fields, and has been named Best Publisher 25 years in a row in the Locus Poll, the largest consumer poll in SF.

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The Best, Worst, and BESTWORST Stephen King Adaptations

Tor/Forge Blog

Girl of Nightmares by Kendare Blake

Written by Kendare Blake

A couple of months ago, a friend and I were talking about Stephen King adaptations (they were running Stephen King with Story Notes on AMC that week) and got to wondering exactly how many movies had been made from his work. We were able to name so many: Carrie, The Shining, The Stand, Cujo, Misery, The Tommyknockers, Hearts in Atlantis; we could go on and on.

“How many books has the guy written?” my friend wanted to know. “I wonder what percentage have been made into movies?”

So I said, let’s count. “And remember, it’s not only King novels, but short stories that have to be tallied. Movies have been made from short stories, too. 1408, for example. And we might want to track which works have been optioned for film without ever being produced.”

“You’re getting too involved in this,” my friend said.

Based on the rough and lazy count that followed, we arrived at this rough and lazy answer: Stephen King writes a lot of stuff, and a lot of that stuff gets made into movies. Pick up a short story collection, and somewhere inside, a film awaits. The novels are probably optioned before they’re even written. When will we see a movie version of Under The Dome or 11/22/63? The answer?

Someday. Probably. Odds are looking good.

This conversation got me thinking about the best and worst Stephen King adaptations, and I thought I’d share my list, including a special category for the BESTWORST adaptation. And oh yeah, there will probably be spoilers. Here we go.

THE BEST

Stand By Me

Raise your hand if you thought I was going to say The Shawshank Redemption. Ha! Well I didn’t. That would’ve been the obvious choice. Instead I say that this tale, adapted from King’s pensive novella “The Body” does all the things that King does best in his non-supernatural work: it studies the transitory nature of childhood friendships; short-lived but often the most memorable of your life. It’s a beautiful, careful film, carried along by genuine good times and undercut with the constant menace of knowing these kids are in real danger.

THE WORST

Dreamcatcher

Raise your hand if you thought I was going to say Maximum Overdrive. Well I didn’t. I like Maximum Overdrive. It’s hilarious.

No, my vote has to go to Dreamcatcher, a big pile of turd of a movie, complete with horrible CGI aliens that go up your butt and I don’t know, incubate until you poo them out again. If Ridley Scott’s aliens had taken this route, we would never have been able to watch Prometheus, because no other Alien movies would have been made.

Right now, Dreamcatcher is whispering in my ear about how good the acting was, by Jason Lee and Thomas Jane and Damian Lewis and heck, even Morgan Freeman. It’s telling me that the strong childhood friendships are back in abundance. But dammit, no, Dreamcatcher! Just, no.

THE BESTWORST

I was tempted to say Riding the Bullet, because it’s laughably watchable on a Sunday afternoon. And I do recommend you see it, because it’s great watching David Arquette try to make those scary faces. But in my mind, the BESTWORST Stephen King adaptation will always be the 1990 TV miniseries of IT.

I love IT. I own IT, and once a year I order Chinese food and watch IT, and eat right at the part where they get to the Chinese restaurant, because the eyeball in the fortune cookie always makes me giggle. It’s terrible, and fantastic, and features a pre-puberty Seth Green, and a just slightly post puberty John Boy Walton. Is it scary? Not exactly. But Tim Curry flashing between those hanging white bed sheets is undeniably one more reason to distrust clowns.

So there you have it. My list. With so many films based on King’s work, I expect that few will agree with my choices. I invite you to make your case for your own.

It’s important to note that this list is reflective of the movies only, not the works on which they were based. While I don’t doubt that these days King could have a lot of input on how his tales are adapted, I also don’t doubt that for many of these films he had little control, just like most authors. Someday, it would be cool if Anna Dressed in Blood was adapted, and I could be one of those no-control authors. But in case it doesn’t, here’s a short Best/Worst/BestWorst list of possibilities:

Best: Anna Dressed in Awesome: Directed by the dream team of Joss Whedon and Tim Burton, from an adapted screenplay by Neil Gaiman, a dark, visceral tale with undertones the book didn’t even think of and visuals to kill for.

Worst: Anna Dressed in a Red Dress: Anna reimagined as a 1940’s crime noir, in which Anna is a deranged socialite who murders her wealthy stepfather. Hard-boiled private detective Cas Lowood must run down the mystery in a dark coat and one of those hats. Starring an undiscovered Hemsworth brother and a rapidly aging Kardashian sister.

BestWorst: Anna Dressed in Blood: The Musical.

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From the Tor/Forge August newsletter. Sign up to receive our newsletter via email.

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