UHHHH, DID YOU SEE THAT?? BEHIND YOU?!?!? Is that…A ZOMBIE?!?!?! Quick, what do you do???
To celebrate the Halloween season and this summer’s epic new zombie book, The Living Dead by George A. Romero and Daniel Kraus, we asked our amazing staff/super professional (?) zombie experts how they’d survive an undead uprising and wow, what an array of answers we got. Check them out below, and let us know how you’d survive the zombie apocalypse in the comments!
Kristin Temple, Assistant Editor
I’m a HUGE horror fan. So you’d think I’d be the exact kind of person who would survive a zombie apocalypse, right? I mean, I’ve seen it all. I know a good plan from an absolutely stupid one. So I’d survive, right?
Wrong. I’m also a clumsy, anxious bean who would be completely screwed if her glasses broke. So I’d probably have one week of good ‘ol zombie killing fun, and then I’d trip on a blade of grass, smash my glasses, and get eaten. Hopefully I’d at least make a good distraction?
Jordan Hanley, Marketing Manager
I have no interest in being eaten during the end-of-times. My first instinct would be to jump from the highest tower or otherwise end my existence on this plane in some pain free way. I would like to die fast. The end.
Renata Sweeney, Senior Marketing Manager
MAKE YOURSELF APPEAR LARGER THEN PLAY DEAD. IT’S FOOLPROOF AND THE SAME ADVICE I GIVE FOR BEARS.
Leah Schnelbach, Staff Writer, Tor.com
As a native of Pittsburgh, I think I’m obligated to live as long as possible in order to make George A. Romero proud. However, I am neither fast nor strong, so I think my best bet would be attempting an updated version of the plot of Dawn of the Dead. Rather than a mall (too many windows, too many entry points) I think I’ll flee to Spotty Dog Books & Ale in Hudson, New York. Hudson isn’t that populous—I won’t be swarmed by the undead the way I would be in Brooklyn—and the store itself is small enough to fortify, has a well-stocked bar, and, best of all, it’s FULL OF BOOKS.
Assuming I can barricade myself in with shelving before the revenants eat me, I should be able to catch up on my reading, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over.
Mordicai Knode, Senior Marketing Manager
It’s not so much a plan as…a back-up plan. If I get bit…just let me go. Don’t put me out of my misery before I turn, don’t put me down after…just me go. Worse case scenario? What’s one more walker? Best case scenario? When I’m Zombie King, think of how much I’ll be able to help you!
Julia Bergen, Associate Marketing Manager
I always thought the Shaun of the Dead approach was the best one. Pretend to be a zombie yourself! I doubt the zombies could really tell I wasn’t one of them; I’m very good at shambling. I’m totally prepared to spend the rest of my life in a shambling hoard.
Rachel Taylor, Marketing Manager
If an actual, real zombie ever approached me, my soul would exit my body immediately. Thanks, no thanks, bye!
Kelly Lonesome, Senior Editor
I’m not a fighter but I am scrappy and extremely stubborn, so I would go the route of hiding and scavenging in familiar areas, in a delusional bid to outlast the zombies and other threats. I think it’s a huge bonus that I love cheese so much, because that shit literally lasts forever, so I would probably die from clogged arteries first — which feels about as close to my own terms as I could get! Mmmm, cheese.