by a cat
A while ago, we used a quiz to turn y’all into books. Now, in celebration of Dragon Week—our favorite week of the year—we’re turning y’all into dragons.
Yep. Dragons.
Will you make friends or eat them?
Tell us what you get, and check out the dragon-inclusive books we’re plugging below 👇👇
Artsy Dragonsona
Wow! You are very hip and with-it! We, a brand on the internet say so!
No but actually, as a dragon you are probably quite cool. Artistic and nonconformist, you embrace some of the wilder (and gleeful) aspects of dragonimity, sometimes overlooked by your more fiery and treasure-focused brethren. For example:
The color of your scales and shape of your horns. You’ve probably got something funky going on
Magical powers. In the canon of you, we’d guess that you can do some strange and skillful stuff, like become water, breathe life into the recently deceased, or take on the guise of other creatures, or something
A little hobby. A painter? Player of a lesser-employed musical instrument like the harpsichord? Maybe you whittle?
Anyway, for examples of dragons who share your archetype, we encourage you to perform a safe internet search, because there’s lots of artists making lots of cool art!
sweet little thing dragon
Omg HELLO you.
You are dragon, yes, but you are also friend. Our friend.
Together we will hunt the rugged highlands and deep valleys of our shared world, and when we rest, we will do so around a warm fire.
When we mourn we will find comfort in our shared presence, and when we die we will be remembered if absent.
When we greet, it will be as companions.
These words are not about us, but you, sweet little thing dragon, and the other creatures lucky to populate your life and share your space. You’re a blessing and a boon.
Friend.
Examples of famous dragons who share your archetype are Toothless and Dragonite (who’s not little per se, however they are a good boy! They deliver mail!).
Laconic Dragon with A Very Appealing Voice
Everyone knows dragons enjoy a preternaturally long lifespan, provided they aren’t cruelly slain by wandering adventurers. You have taken your odd eon of existence and used it to become the coolest creature breathing (fire. dragon joke!).
You’re the kind of dragon that can slumber atop your comfy hoard in total security, because if a party of “heroes” should intrude upon your domain, you have more confidence in your ability to talk them in endless circles than you do treasure. And you have a lot of treasure.
…
(You’ll probably eat them anyway. But you’ve got options)
Maybe your voice is resonant and sonorous—the kind of vocal tones that announce the presence of royalty or sporting events. Perhaps your voice is low and sultry with an affective rasp from all the fire you’ve pulled from your lungs.
Examples of famous dragons who share your archetype are Smaug, Paarthurnax, and yeah, we’ll throw in Lady Dimitrescu too.
Sorry, I’m not Smaug, much less Paarthurnax (and don’t even think about Vermithrax pejorative). If I have to be draconic, I’d prefer to be Draco from “Dragonheart”, or maybe Gorbash from Gordon R. Dickson’s “The Dragon and the George”. I mean, come on: I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’d be friends with some oddball wizard on a quest, or perhaps a clever farm girl who could use a friend and a place to stay. They’d also see the advantage in having a scaly, powerful, extremely smart friend with great, gnashing teeth and who breathes atomic laser fire at will. I’d probably fart like a hurricane, too, so watch yourself, buster.
A book recommendation for anyone taking this quiz: the beautiful fantasy “A Book Dragon” by Donn Kushner. It’s got all kinds of dragons in it, and by far my favorite ones.
A Monster
You should be stopped.
…
…
But no one is actually strong enough to do that, so we yield the remainder of your quiz outcome and also beg for our lives, while knowing the reward for such efforts is the same devouring that awaits all who cross your path. We cannot help it. We are scared.
And you.
You are worthy of fear. A dragon, and a force to rival the elements. Your breath burns hotter than our life-enabling sun, and you end us—our lives, our civilizations, our legends—as is your right.
You’re a monster, but none of us may judge you, for we live and die under the shadow of your wings.
Spare us, we plead, cries unmoving to your dragonic heart, Spare us.
Examples of famous dragons who share your archetype are Fatalis, Akriloth, and Chaos Emperor Dragon-Envoy of the End.