The Cat Villains of Tor Publishing Group




The Cat Villains of Tor Publishing Group

starter villain by john scalziAfter reading Starter Villain by John Scalzi, we’re questioning the villainous capabilities of our cats. Could they be secretly working for a supervillain? And why are they suddenly all reading Starter Villain? Let’s investigate.

Name: [REDACTED], Brooklyn, NY

cat posing with starter villain by john scalzi. staggering that a cat has casually opened a book and maintained this pose. a true criminal

Crime: 17 years of careful manipulation to get everything she desires—with just a slight tilt of the head and a little chirrup: Treats, check. Select morsels of chicken, check. The comfy part of the couch to herself, check. It’s time to stop thinking little and expand this empire!

Name: Bandit

a cat sitting regally behind a copy of starter villain by john scalzi

Crime: Running a complicated phone scam to get credit card numbers to order cat nip!

Name: Kaz “Dirtypaws” [LAST NAME REDACTED]

this cat is named kaz so its a cat criminal named after a criminal who sometimes does cat burglary. there's also a copy of starter villain by john scalzi

Crime: Breaking into a bag of fresh, New York style bagels to get a bite of those good good carbs, then leaving the gnawed on baked good on the middle of the kitchen floor. Challenge for dominance over the kitchen territory has been received, Kaz.

Name: Jimbo—food pirate.

this cat is literally posing with starter villain by john scalzi like a model, with paws positioned just so

Crime: Loves hanging off the tables with one arm hanging down to go fishing for the dog. 6487644357 counts of attempted cannibalism of his sister. Horrible table manners–we call him Shovelface because he doesn’t bite, he scoops. Likes to scream at the ravens on the roof.

Name: Daisy

this cat is curled around starter villain by john scalzi. they look very comfortable

Crime: Has two modes, Crazy Daisy and Lazy Daisy, which is to say, that she’s a demon who lives in our house and sometimes is sleepy. Will break anything in pursuit of flashes of light and/or flies and/or laser pointer. 6487644357 counts of actual murder. Might be able to fly. Tiny kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. DO NOT TRUST THIS CAT, SHE’S THE MODERN EQUIVALENT OF NIBBLER. Simply too cute—public safety hazard. Perfect 100000/10, no notes.

Name: Bandit (editor’s note: two Bandit cats on staff…can’t be a good sign…)

a cat that's kind of mirroring the cover of starter villain by john scalzi

Crime: Staging a Heist of a Robber Baron’s Gold, also Stealing Valuables (Namely Fridge Magnets).

Conclusion: These cats are all villains…but also the best boys and girls in the world. Their crimes are all pardoned on account of extreme fluffiness.

Order Starter Villain Here

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