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Would You Swipe Right for These SFF Characters?

Would You Swipe Right for These SFF Characters?

Look some of us have already dreamed of dating fictional heroes (and villains). But what if SFF characters had Tinder profiles?

Authors Sarah Gailey, Duncan Hamilton, Tamsyn Muir, Brian Naslund, S.L Huang, Saad Z. Hossain, and Cate Glass indulged us and wrote up Tinder profiles for a few opens in a new windowMagic X Mayhem characters.

Swipe up. We dare you.*

Please do not swipe in any direction, these are fake buttons.


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TEACHER, 10,000
???? miles away

Welcome! Welcome, on this happy day, to my Tinder profile. For ten thousand years I have waited in holy silence and solemn adoration of the one who is beyond death, the Kindly Resurrector, and now the time has arrived for me to be taken to the IHOP. Will it be you, child, who is found worthy of buying me a plate of Original Full Stack Buttermilk Pancakes? Perhaps it will. Or perhaps it will not! But oh, how glorious to fail in so sacred an endeavour. Lightly your bones shall lie, honoured for all time as one who gave their life’s blood to procure me an order of Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity(R) Pancakes at the IHOP, along with a vanilla milkshake, which is my favourite. I cannot tell you how to take me to the IHOP; I do not know where the nearest IHOP is. Indeed, I am unsure whether the IHOP is even open at this time. This is a path that only you can walk – you, and the others who have come here in hope of the ultimate prize. There is little I know, and less I understand. All my faith tells me is that by the end of today – either on your dime, or another’s – I will be tucking into a heaped platter of Mexican Tres Leches Pancakes and a deliciously chilled vanilla milkshake, and that to me is the most beautiful mystery of them all.

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Ivy Gamble, mind your own business
Oakland

Seeking: No one, whatever, anyone
About: I’m probably too busy for friends or dating but whatever, I’ll try this thing out. Let’s get together for lots of drinks and no conversation about our pasts or emotions. Needy people need not apply. Don’t message me (please message me).

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Guillot dal Villevauvais, Gill for short
Mirabay

Former renowned swordsman seeks female, 30-40, for activities including, but not limited to, dragonslaying, overthrowing tyrants, and encountering ancient evils.

And romantic walks.

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Silas Bershad, 32
Terra

6′ 5″, 230 pounds

Full disclosure, I was convicted of a horrific crime by the King of Almira. But that was more than 10 years ago and it was a total misunderstanding.

Hobbies: Stalking dragons, killing dragons, drinking after killing dragons. Down to meet up for a beer before a slaying, too, in case I die.

Pretty outdoorsy. Mostly because I’m not technically allowed to sleep indoors or the king’ll have my head cut off (’cause of the whole exile thing). If you can bring your own tent, that’s a plus.

Swipe right if you like dragon tattoos, I have a bunch of them. But I also have a lot of body scarring from dragon-related injuries. Not the hot kind, though, like Geralt of Rivia. My body is kind of a mess. Just trying to be transparent here.

Not looking for anything long term because it’s very likely I’ll be dead in a week
Can’t host due to the 14-year exile / technically being homeless

What the people of Almira are saying about Silas Bershad:

“Don’t believe those stories about his foot-long cock. I mean, it’s fine, but it’s not legendary or anything.” – The Baroness of Umbrik’s Glade

“Silas Bershad is an asshole.” – The Baron of Umbrik’s Glade

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Melek Ahmer, ageless and undying
Katmandu

Melek Ahmer. Djinn King of Tuesday. And Mars. And copper. The Red King. Really just an all round top guy. Asleep for 5000 years so well rested. I like long walks, trampling the wildlife, and causing extinction level events. There will definitely be candlelight dinners, as electrical systems tend to malfunction around me. I also enjoy pets, specially mountain goats because they are very useful and we can eat them if we are hungry and also I can makes shoes and sarongs out of them.

I’m really interested in settling down with someone not a violent psychopath, someone who gets me, and cares about the simple things in life like eating, drinking, partying and occasional tyranny.

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Cas Russell, MYOB
Los Angeles

Independent ace mercenary seeks same. Don’t expect calls, texts, or any level of emotional support. But if people are out to kill you, I’ve got your back.

Note: I sleep with my gun.

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Zanj, 5000
Pirate Queen

old school > new school

“Anything less than the best is a felony”

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Placidio di Vasil
Cantagna

Background: Don’t ask. I mean, really don’t.

Swordfighting > Weaving

Swordfighting > Bathing

Swordfighting > Singing

Mead > Ale

Scars (mine) > Death (mine)

Considering the three elements of combat > Diving into a fight like a lunatic (you know who you are)

Ignore the hot woman I hang with (yes, I do respect her mind.) And ignore the feisty lad (not my kid, because I just don’t—reasons private) and the married guy who does weird things with paint, because I have nothing in common with him. Or any of them.

OK, never mind. I knew you were going to say that.

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Stay tuned for more #magicXmayhem all summer long!

 

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The Best and Worst SFF Worlds—According to Our MagicXMayhem Authors

Some fantasy worlds leave us aching for a passport to another world. Some futures seem worth skipping the present for. Others…not so much. We asked our opens in a new windowMagic X Mayhem authors which SFF worlds they would most and least like to try out and—not to sound like a lousy clickbait article—some of their answers might surprise you.

What are the SFF worlds you would most and least like to live in?

 

Sarah Gailey author of opens in a new windowMagic for Liars

Most: The world of Abhorsen by Garth Nix. The magic system is just so COOL. I’d have to learn how to whistle, though.
Least: The world of Harry Potter. We’ve got enough regular fascists, I don’t need wizard fascists too.

Duncan Hamilton, author of opens in a new windowDragonslayer

Most: Westeros, north of the wall. I’ve never seen so much untracked powder…

Tamsyn Muir, author of opens in a new windowGideon the Ninth

Most: Dinétah from Rebecca Roanhorse’s Trail of Lightning so that I could, with sweaty palms and dry mouth, shake Maggie Hoskie’s hand.
Least: Dinétah from Rebecca Roanhorse’s Trail of Lightning, because I am weak and would just be gnawed to death or shot before I ever got to sweatily shake Maggie Hoskie’s hand. I guess I could nod respectfully at her as I died.

Brian Naslund, author of opens in a new windowBlood of an Exile

Most: Tamriel, because I’ve spent enough time playing Elder Scrolls games that you can drop me anywhere and two weeks later I’ll be a moderately successful adventurer with a decent house. (Or I’ll have been killed by a mud crab within five minutes, but I’m willing to risk it.)
Least: Mad Max Universe, because I’m very prone to rashes and a desert apocalypse environment seems very rash-inducing, with very few options for treating said rashes. Also, murderous raiders don’t seem like great neighbors.

JY Yang, author of opens in a new windowThe Ascent to Godhood

Most: Honestly I would love to live a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…. Star Wars was the first thing that truly got me into SFF as a child, I just loved its textures and its sense of fun. The juxtaposition of its high-gloss centers of power and sand-crusted backwaters. I too would like to silence irritants during work meetings with the power of my mind, or tell the fuzz that these are not the droids you are looking for…
Least: The worlds I would least like to live in are all the post-apocalyptic ones. Sure, Fury Road was fun and everything, but would I actually want to LIVE there? Hell no.

Max Gladstone, author of opens in a new windowEmpress of Forever

Most: Peter F. Hamilton has a knack for making weird, cool, adventurous and above all livable futures—before he takes a sledgehammer to them. The first half of The Reality Dysfunction, and most of Judas Unchained, are essentially Escape Velocity fanfic: sprawling adventurous futures in deep SPAAAACE, rich with secrets and opportunity. Yeah, eventually ghosts and aliens show up, but by the time they do you’re really bought into the future they’re wrecking! Banks’ Culture certainly seems like the most pleasant future on offer, so long as you’re not drowning in feces on a secret mission. Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosiverse would also be a good choice. There are a lot of things to do there.

Least: Most worlds with a destined savior, chosen one, or whatever. Not because I dislike the concept of destiny! But because worlds that turn around a Destined One tend to be pretty uninteresting if you’re not the One. What’s everyone else doing with their time?

S.L. Huang, author of opens in a new windowNull Set

Most: Yoon Ha Lee’s Machineries of Empire. It may be a terrible and violent dystopia, but I’d be able to do magic with MATH!
Least: …Yoon Ha Lee’s Machineries of Empire.

Saad Z. Hossain, author of The Gurkha and the Lord of Tuesday

Most: I’d like to live in the Culture universe. Post-scarcity human society, totally utopian, sarcastic machine minds that are almost more human than human, glands that let you experience a plethora of mind-altering states without ill effect, killer drones at your beck and call… it doesn’t get better.
Least: The most horrible is probably Joe Abercrombie’s world. I mean it’s a standard dark fantasy world but the way he gives it to his characters, it’s almost impossible to believe anyone will get out with any shred of dignity, let alone an actual happy ending.

Cate Glass, author of opens in a new windowAn Illusion of Thieves

Least: Game of Thrones world. Whew. You can’t trust anybody.

Most: Roger Zelazny’s Amber, though only if I was one of the royal family and I could actually travel through Amber’s many reflections, finding one that was just perfect for me.

Andrew Bannister, author of Iron Gods

Least: This is going to seem strange, but the sff world I would least to live in would be anything that resembled Iain M Banks’ Culture. At first sight that must seem strange because who wouldn’t want to live in a utopia like that? No work, no ill health, unlimited leisure – what’s not to like? But Iain knew exactly what he was doing. The only time anything interesting happens in the Culture is as a result of external threat; so much so that the really interesting people join a secretive body called Special Circumstances which practically has the remit of going out to look for trouble. Without that, the people of the Culture are fundamentally unchallenged and bored.

Most: That leaves the question of where I would most like to live. A place where stuff is happening, I think. A place, a civilization in flux, experiencing some challenge. And I fancy somewhere sunny. How about the near-future South Africa of Lauren Beukes’ ‘Zoo City’? My only condition being that I would like to be one of the people with money.

 

Stay tuned for more #magicXmayhem all summer long!

 

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The Ultimate Magic X Mayhem Playlist

We asked the authors of opens in a new windowMagic X Mayhem to pick theme songs for their main characters. And the resulting playlist is definitely full of mayhem. We advise listening to it on shuffle to maximize the chaos.

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Pick a Theme Song for Your Main Character

 

JY Yang, author of opens in a new windowThe Ascent to Godhood

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME THIS because in the process of writing the first two Tensorate novellas I definitely came up with theme songs for the Sanao twins. They’re classic Mandopop songs from my childhood and now I have a chance to inflict them upon the world:
Akeha’s theme song is “潇洒走一回” (loosely meaning like “to live without care/restraint”): opens in a new windowhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ8Hxm2W5Ts It’s hard to explain the meaning of the song, just enjoy the music.)
Mokoya’s theme song is “橄榄树” (The Olive Tree): opens in a new windowhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u3MRVXGU9M (“Don’t ask me where I’m from/Home is far away/Why do I wander?/Wander these lost places”)

Brian Naslund, author of opens in a new windowBlood of an Exile:

“When the Levee Breaks”, Led Zeppelin

Tamsyn Muir, author of opens in a new windowGideon the Ninth

This already got picked for me, so Gideon’s theme song is Cobra Starship’s “Good Girls Go Bad”, sorry.

S.L. Huang, author of opens in a new windowNull Set

Eye of the Tiger”.

Saad Z. Hossain, author of The Gurkha and the Lord of Tuesday

“I’m too Sexy” by Right Said Fred

Duncan Hamilton, author of opens in a new windowDragonslayer

I picked my villain for this – Amaury, the Prince Bishop – “Wannabe”, by the Spice Girls.

Cate Glass, author of opens in a new windowAn Illusion of Thieves

For Romy? “Black Magic Woman” from Santana. “I’ve got a black magic woman; got me so blind I can’t see…”

Max Gladstone, author of opens in a new windowEmpress of Forever

For Vivian Liao, tech billionaire turned far-future survivor: “Power,” by Kanye West (from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy).
“Living in the 21st Century / doing something mean to it”

For Zanj, imprisoned pirate queen: “What’s Up Danger”, by Blackway & Black Caviar (from the Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse Soundtrack).

Sarah Gailey author of opens in a new windowMagic for Liars

“Don’t Ask Me” by OK GO

Andrew Bannister, author of Iron Gods

Goodness, that’s difficult. But I think “Isobel” by Bjork comes close. It captures her sense of separation, of the unbreakable self-contained core of her.

 

Stay tuned for more #magicXmayhem all summer long!

 

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How to Form a Magical Undercover Team

opens in a new windowAn Illusion of Thieves author Cate Glass joined in the opens in a new windowMagic X Mayhem to share her foolproof formula for forming a magical heist crew!


By Cate Glass

opens in a new windowPlace holder  of - 10I’ve always loved spy stories, from The Scarlet Pimpernel to Len Deighton’s cold war novels to Robert Ludlum’s Bourne novels. I also enjoy elaborate heist stories like Denzel Washington’s “Inside Man,” Robert Redford’s “Sneakers,” and two of my favorite binge-worthy TV series—“Burn Notice” and “White Collar.”

These tales center on groups of skilled operatives who pull off amazing, twisty ventures that look very much like magic. When noodling around with my own project a couple of years ago, I decided I wanted to pull this classic story into a world of my own devising, to create my own group of agents or thieves and set them on intriguing adventures where the “magic” in the caper was actual magic!

First, where and when?

I envisioned a great city just moving into an age of enlightenment and the rule of law, where feudal barons are being replaced by merchants and bankers and explorers. Magic, believed to be the dangerous residue of the wars of Creation, has almost been eradicated, though the authorities are ever on the alert for magical activity. Rather than conquest and empire-building conflicts, I wanted to focus on localized intrigue and political skullduggery, struggles between new governance and old ways. Rather than battlefields, significant conflicts take place in salons or dining rooms, secret societies, artisan workshops, catacombs, public marketplaces, and dark streets. Combat involves betrayals, kidnappings, poisonings, and assassinations. And crises arise that need to be dealt with in secret, without the overt complicity of authorities.

But, of course, before I could devise a first adventure for my little group, I needed to figure out who they were! Sorcerers certainly, and in my world, magical talents are unique and rare. And for truly complex missions, they would need more than magic.

So I looked back at those agents and thieves I so enjoyed and assessed the tools they used to get their jobs done. They used laser glass cutters or elaborate climbing harnesses to get them into inaccessible places. They impersonated their marks by using tools that bypass retinal, voice, or fingerprint scanners. Communications were on earwig devices. Their weapons were things like laser–aimed dart guns or focused explosives. I also considered the classic TV show Mission Impossible, where the team was not composed of experienced spies with super electronics, but actors, mechanics, electronics experts, linguists, and the like—who brought their own particular set of talents and more mundane tools, like makeup, latex masks, and trucks, winches, power supplies, and common screwdrivers to do similar tasks. Though I wanted to put my adventure in an era more like the sixteenth century, the skills they would need were much the same.

Time for a casting call!

WANTED, for four possible positions in or near the independency of Cantagna, applicants possessing one or more of the following job skills:

  • ability to breach secured facilities without detection
  • ability to replicate documents…and signatures…and artworks or other artifacts.
  • knowledge of history, art, law, government, important personages, and political and interfamily rivalries throughout the nine independencies of the Costa Drago.
  • high-level skills in weaponry and offensive and defensive combat.
  • impersonation.
  • costuming.
  • retrieval.
  • communications specialists.
  • improvise structural and mechanical devices in close quarters.

Applicants must be able to work in a variety of stressful environments in tasks which have no visible support from any official entity. Decent pay, but no benefits, no public acknowledgment of service, and most definitely no life, health, accident, or disability insurance.

After sorting through a variety of applicants with a variety of skills and background, I found my four. Like my favorite literary operatives, they should be able to create enough magic and mayhem to ensure the good guys – or mostly good guys – win the day.

Order Your Copy:

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Stay tuned for more #magicXmayhem all summer long!

 

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Magic or Mayhem?

Our year of opens in a new windowMagic X Mayhem is about to kick into high gear, and our authors are more than ready.

We asked them: Magic or Mayhem? and the results are pretty wild. But then again, we expected no less.

Magic or Mayhem?

Andrew Bannister, author of Iron Gods

Definitely mayhem, because people are the cause and the cure (if it needs during) of mayhem, and people are my favorite thing. Magic, on the other hand, seems to me to be somehow detached from people. Also, let’s face it, mayhem is fun!

Sarah Gailey, author of opens in a new windowMagic for Liars

Magic, because I’ve already had enough Mayhem to last me a little while.

Max Gladstone, author of opens in a new windowEmpress of Forever

Mayhem! Especially for Empress of Forever. Magic is many things to many people—it’s a tool for revolution or a technology for control. Mayhem is always and truly mayhem.

Cate Glass, author of opens in a new windowAn Illusion of Thieves

opens in a new windowImage Place holder  of - 26Magic most definitely! Designing and writing magic is at least as cool as doing magic. It’s fun teaching it to your characters, especially in a world like the Chimera world, where there are no schools of magic, no books of lore, and asking questions about it can get you dead. I enjoy deciding what it feels like and watching them mess up and discover the cost. I do occasionally deprive my beloved characters of body parts—or at least the temporary use of them—and I’ve been known to stuff an extra soul into a person’s body, which I think would qualify as mayhem. That is the price of them having me write their stories. It is all for their own good.

Duncan Hamilton, author of opens in a new windowDragonslayer

Mayhem! Because, well, MAYHEM!!

Saad Z. Hossain, author of The Gurkha and the Lord of Tuesday

I gotta go with magic. Magic just gives us endless possibilities and fun. I think we spend our whole lives trying to actually find some magic, and this search for magic is what keeps us alive. Do you remember that childhood yearning for actual magic to exist, any little bit of it, that desperate wish for hidden worlds to exist, even if we can’t see them or be a part of them? The sense of wonder? The conviction that impossible things might happen any minute? We become beggars when we lose that, plodding along trying to get ahead of some useless drudgery.

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S.L. Huang, author of opens in a new windowNull Set

Mayhem. Because let’s be real, if I had magic, I’d just use it to create more mayhem.

Andrew Bannister, author of  opens in a new windowCreation Machine

Magic or mayhem? Definitely mayhem, because people are the cause and the cure (if it needs curing) of mayhem, and people are my favourite thing. Magic, on the other hand, seems to me to be somehow detached from people. Also, let’s face it, mayhem is fun!

Tamsyn Muir, author of opens in a new windowGideon the Ninth

Magic, because I am aspirational and can already cause mayhem on my own.

opens in a new windowPoster Placeholder of - 25 opens in a new windowBrian Naslund

Brian Naslund, author of opens in a new windowBlood of an Exile:

Mayhem! Spells and incantations are cool, but anarchy is far more interesting. Life’s always a little more colorful when the world is completely falling apart.

JY Yang, author of opens in a new windowThe Ascent to Godhood

insert “Why not both?” gif, and also “Both. Both is good.”*

(Note from Tor: Reader, we inserted the .gifs)

But if I really had to pick one, it would be magic. Why? Because mayhem is fun, but magic actually gets shit done.

 

Stay tuned for more #magicXmayhem all summer long!

 

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Roll Up a #MagicXMayhem Character!

We’re a thief in a haunted space castle with a Hand of Glory who’s definitely fomenting rebellion.

Who are you?

MxMCharacterSheet 3_19

 

Learn more about the books of #magicXmayhem:

opens in a new windowMagic for Liars by Sarah Gailey

opens in a new windowDragonslayer by Duncan M. Hamilton

opens in a new windowMiddlegame by Seanan McGuire

opens in a new windowThe Ascent to Godhood by JY Yang

opens in a new windowThe Gurkha and the Lord of Tuesday by Saad Z. Hossain

opens in a new windowBlood of an Exile by Brian Naslund

opens in a new windowAn Illusion of Thieves by Cate Glass

opens in a new windowGideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

And look for more magic and mayhem later this summer featuring:

opens in a new windowElizabeth Bear’s The Red-Stained Wings
opens in a new windowCherie Priest’s The Toll
opens in a new windowAndrew Bannister’s Iron Gods
opens in a new windowS. L. Huang’s Null Set
opens in a new windowMax Gladstone’s Empress of Forever

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Excerpt: An Illusion of Thieves by Cate Glass

opens in a new windowamazons opens in a new windowbns opens in a new windowbooksamillions opens in a new windowibooks2 16 opens in a new windowindiebounds

opens in a new windowPlace holder  of - 80Romy escapes her hardscrabble upbringing when she becomes courtesan to the Shadow Lord, a revolutionary noble who brings laws and comforts once reserved for the wealthy to all. When her brother, Neri, is caught thieving with the aid of magic, Romy’s aristocratic influence is the only thing that can spare his life—and the price is her banishment.

Now back in Beggar’s Ring, she has just her wits and her own long-hidden sorcery to help her and Neri survive. But when a plot to overthrow the Shadow Lord and incite civil war is uncovered, only Romy knows how to stop it. To do so, she’ll have to rely on newfound allies—a swordmaster, a silversmith, and her own thieving brother. And they’ll need the very thing that could condemn them all: magic.

opens in a new windowAn Illusion of Thieves by Cate Glass is on sale on May 21. Please enjoy the following excerpt.

1

YEAR 987 OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM: SPRING QUARTER

The Shadow Lord’s face gleamed bronze in the lamplight, serene in his strength. Such demeanor befit a man whose quiet word could fulfill a petitioner’s deepest wishes or leave his gutted carcass hanging on Cantagna’s gates.

We have no kings in the lands of the Costa Drago. Our nine great independencies are ruled by men or women whose power stems from family wealth, strength of arms, or brutish arousal of the rabble. Not one of those men or women could match the ruthless wisdom of Alessandro di Gallanos, known as il Padroné— the Master—Cantagna’s Shadow Lord.

Peering through slits in the painted screen, I observed the Shadow Lord’s first petitioner of the day. Boscetti, the antiquities merchant, leaned earnestly across the table between them.

“Padroné,” he said, “my son has taken over my trading part­nership with Argento, as you in your wisdom suggested. But ban­dits have looted his caravans three times in a month because Captain di Lucci’s condottieri refuse to honor their contract with me. If you could just speak to di Lucci . . .”

As the merchant wisely ignored the cup of good wine on the table and answered a few incisive questions from the man seated across from him, I watched and listened carefully, as always. I relished my privilege to sit hidden behind the painted screen, laughing at the fools folk could make of themselves when con­fronting true power, while at the same time adding the minutiae of names, family connections, desires, loyalties, and vanities to my treasury of such matters. The man others addressed as il Padroné and I called Sandro took pleasure in discussing the complexities of his world with a companion who could comprehend them. Even better, so he’d told me, that I could offer observations and ideas of my own.

My education had been extensive—history, music, languages. Dancing and logic. Enough blade-work to defend my owner or myself. Even now, I pursued art and philosophy, the divine study. Sandro called me his chimera—the impossible made flesh—a fantastical creature who mirrored every part of his own soul.

The two voices beyond the screen changed tenor. The con­versation had become negotiation. The merchant desired il Padroné to force the mercenary captain, di Lucci, to honor their old contract, since the new owner of his trade route was a member of the merchant’s own family.

Boscetti was a fool. Sandro was too wise to squeeze condottieri for a merchant’s favor. Besides the ever-present threat from old enemies like the southern independency of Mercediare, a stir­ring discontent among Cantagna’s older families had him wor­ried. These families had been staunch allies of Sandro’s father and grandfather. But their resentment of House Gallanos’s stranglehold on power, most especially Sandro’s determination to spend the city’s wealth on public works instead of channel­ ing it into their own purses, lurked amid the present peace like deadly nightshade in a garden.

One incident, one misstep, and the poison could foment an armed rebellion. Civil war. Sandro would need Captain di Lucci and every other soldier he could hire. It was no false concern that induced Sandro to keep ten armed men about him wherever he walked—even through the modest neighborhood where his family had lived and granted favor and assistance to all comers for almost a century.

“What of the commission you undertook for me, Boscetti?” Sandro deftly changed the subject of the conversation without agreeing to anything. “Have you had any success with that?”

“Ah, Padroné, my agents believe they might have found the artwork you seek—the Antigonean bronze—buried deep in a vault in Mercediare. Extremely difficult to retrieve. Dangerous. Expensive. The rumors of its Sysaline origins and the bad luck that brings. I doubt I have sufficient resources to retrieve it. Such an unusual portrayal of Dragonis and Atladu, unique in all the known world. Perhaps something more accessible would suit your pleasure just as well?”

“My requirement has not changed.”

Only one who could read the subtle silence between il Padroné’s clipped words would recognize his mounting fury. Boscetti, a purveyor of antiquities, was trying to manipulate a man who hated to be played.

I sat up straighter. This was a matter of much more interest. For five years il Padroné had searched for a particular ancient representation of the monster Dragonis and Atladu, lost God of Sea and Sky. Supposedly Antigoneas, divine Atladu’s own smith, had cast the small bronze statue at his forge in Sysaline— the city drowned in the Creation Wars—imbuing it with sanctity unknown in our godless world.

Sandro believed that if he could gift the statue to his most powerful ally, a most pious grand duc, it would create a true friendship, fixing their alliance against any challenge from his friends turned rivals. But this particular merchant . . . Boscetti . . .

I didn’t know Sandro had commissioned Boscetti to find the statue. Had he heard the gossip that Boscetti’s wife hailed from Triesa, one of Mercediare’s two hundred tribute islands?

The brutish Protector Vizio, tyrant ruler of the sprawling inde­ pendency of Mercediare, coveted Cantagna’s wealth. Every spring she demanded a share of it, and threatened to seize it by force if Cantagna failed to pay. Someday her legions would march north to challenge us. Thus, Boscetti’s petition, together with his sus­ pect wife, could signify a great deal more than a contract dispute with Lucci’s mercenaries. The Costa Drago bred conspiracies in the same abundance as it did mosquitoes.

“Expense is of no consequence,” said il Padroné. “I shall in­ struct my bursar to record an increase in your finder’s fee. I’m sure double would be acceptable. Once I have the artifact in hand, you will reap additional rewards.”

The easy capitulation surprised me. Had Sandro some new intelligence to make his purpose more urgent or was he testing Boscetti? I couldn’t wait for evening when he would tell me all and I could warn him about the merchant’s possible entanglement with Cantagna’s old enemy.

A wafting scent of soap drew my attention from the parlay beyond the screen. Stupid girl! My gangly maidservant Micola had crept into my hiding place. Round cheeks of burnished copper, dark eyes glazed with terror, she did not so much as breathe as she tugged on my sleeve, drawing me to the open door behind me.

Well should she be terrified! If il Padroné detected the least noise behind the screen, he might forbid me sit there when he received petitioners. Micola knew I’d never forgive her for such a deprivation. Far worse would result if the merchant detected us. Micola would be whipped to death as a spy, and I would be exiled at best, for il Padroné and the Shadow Lord were one and the same, and discretion was a pillar of the Shadow Lord’s power.

We slipped out on bare feet, my silken gown but a whisper, Micola’s hand clutching her skirt to keep it silent. As soon as we passed through the closet passage and my dressing room into my own rooms, I closed the door carefully behind me and then whirled on her. “Are you entirely mad?”

She fell to her knees, breathless and shaking. “Please, mistress, the villain said you’d die did I fail to deliver his message to you right away. Certain, I’d only dare set foot beyond that door for mortal need.”

“What villain?”

“A young ruffian startled me whilst I tended your sheets, and how he got past the guards ’tis the world’s own mystery. The youth swore he knew you from childhood, and I’d never have believed that, ragged as he were. But he showed me a luck charm exactly like one in your jewel case—that’n graved in bronze with the squiggles and coiled whip—and said tell you ’twas Iren brought you the message.”

The world’s own mystery . . . Surely my own eyes glazed with fear. “What message?”

“He said—please, mistress, I’d never speak such crude words to you, but for the luck charm so like yours, and you’re ever so kind to me.”

It required every scrap of control I could muster not to choke the words out of her. Iren could be none but my brother Neri. We had once believed backward spelling our impregnable secret cipher.

“He said, ‘The rutting tyrant is for the chop,’ which means a terrible, wicked cruelty, and I told him that no fine lady as you . . . none so educated, so elegant and beautiful . . . would even know about lowborn punishments. But he claimed you’d know exactly what he meant. I was dread fearful he were an assassin, as some folk use tyrant to name—”

She paled, knowing how close she was to treason.

But her panic could not touch mine. As if the brilliant colors of the muraled wall had sloughed away, leaving only gray plaster, so did the false and foolish illusion of my life vanish. Left in its place was appalled confusion.

Only Neri ever called our father a rutting tyrant. Only Neri could walk through impossible barriers by use of true magic, forbidden since the dawn of the world. Yet his message wasn’t about unmentionable skills that could get both of us executed, but the horrifically mundane. For the chop. My father was to lose a hand for thieving? That was impossible.

I halted the girl’s terrified babbling. “Did he say when?” She gaped at me, disbelieving.

“Tell me, Micola.”

“Dawn tomorrow.”

My father was dull and stiff-necked beyond reason. He was a law scribe, and every word he copied in service of Cantagna’s law was his life’s accumulated treasure. Never in the world would he risk losing a hand. Indeed, the self-righteous fool would let his family starve before breaking his precious moral code. Multiple times he’d refused to accept so much as a copper solet from his eldest daughter, the Shadow Lord’s whore. Such an impossible risk—and my fool of a brother’s message—hinted at dangers I dared not ignore.

“Give me your gown and cloak,” I said. “Now. I have to go out.” Fortunately the rangy Micola and I were of a size.

She squirmed out of her garments. “But, mistress, il Padroné—”

“He will be at least another hour with petitioners. More likely two. Do as I tell you.”

In moments she was left in her chemise, while I wore her old-fashioned blue overdress and narrow black sleeves.

I laid hands on her quivering shoulders. “If il Padroné sends for me or comes to my chambers in search of me, you must speak only truth. That way, his annoyance will be for me alone.”

“But mistress . . .”

Even fools and children knew that the wrath of powerful men fell on those who spoke truth as well as those who told lies. But there were certain things she must not speak at all.

“Sweet child, just tell him this . . .”

With strength swollen by fury—at Neri, at my father, at ne­cessity and circumstance and the vile Lady Fortune—I back­ handed the girl. She stumbled backward and slumped to the thick Lhampuri rugs il Padroné had imported for me. As she moaned, groggy and confused, I brushed a thumb across her forehead. Naught but dread necessity could force me to what I had to do.

With a skill rusty from disuse, my will touched the blighted piece of my soul I had walled away since childhood. Only a moment’s touch. Cold, viscous otherness squirmed like maggots in my bones and slithered through my veins, chilling, nauseating, as it had been since the first hour I understood the evil I could do. Magic—this single form of magic my body knew—allowed me to do one impossible thing.

I considered the words the girl must not say and whispered her a story to replace them: Mistress Cataline received a message that her father is gravely ill; for honor’s sake, she had to go to him. I, Micola, delayed a whole day relaying the message.

The girl would forget the truth and remember only what I’d told her. How despicable to alter a person’s mind without consent. I hated living with the ever-present fear of discovery, but even more I hated the taint itself, lurking inside my soul like rot at the heart of a tree, waiting to corrupt me as it did all of my kind. But the consequences of Neri’s actions could endanger more lives than my father’s.

Shivering and sick, I fled through the palace, grieving for the bruises I’d left on sweet Micola’s face, as well as the chaotic knot inside her where a few simple words had replaced a name, a face, and a message. I’d no time and no skill to tie off every thread of memory.

Copyright © 2019 by Cate Glass

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Introducing Magic X Mayhem!

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Great Power. No Responsibility.

Feel like everything’s a little crazy this year? You’re not alone. There’s mayhem in the air, and magic too. 2019 is a year for breaking all the rules, both in the world and on our bookshelves. Gone are the days of simple good-versus-evil narratives; these are complicated times that call for complicated characters. Henceforth, 2019 shall be known as our year of magic and mayhem.

Poster Placeholder of - 27An impressive array of writers are fueling all this chaos and charm. Featured authors include Seanan McGuire (Middlegame), Cate Glass (An Illusion of Thieves), Sarah Gailey (Magic for Liars), Duncan M. Hamilton (Dragonslayer), Tamsyn Muir (Gideon the Ninth), Brian Naslund (Blood of an Exile), Saad Z. Hossain (The Gurkha and the Lord of Tuesday), JY Yang (The Ascent to Godhood) and more. 

To paraphrase a  opens in a new windowgreat philosopher of our time, these books have everything: murder, dragons, alchemical twins, regular twins, godhood both forgotten and newly attained, schools for sorcerers, lesbian necromancers, magical heists, helpful reanimated skeletons, prophets, swordplay, immortals, too-mortals, mercenaries, space dictators, terrestrial dictators, haunted bridges, ancient technology, ancient folklore, and, naturally, dirty magazines. 

To get started with our year of wild rides and chaotic characters,  opens in a new windowdownload our free digital sampler of Magic & Mayhem titles and follow #magicXmayhem for more content in the coming weeks and months.

In addition to the authors above, look for more magic and mayhem from:

  • Elizabeth Bear’s The Red-Stained Wings
  • Cherie Priest’s The Toll
  • Andrew Bannister’s Iron Gods
  • S. L. Huang’s Null Set
  • Max Gladstone’s Empress of Forever

Download the Sampler:

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