Welcome to Dragon Week, a celebration of all things Dragon!
Our week of everything dragons is just kicking off and we’ve got some spicy treats for you…including instructions on how to make some for your reptilian friends by Brian Naslund, author of Blood of an Exile and Sorcery of a Queen. Check out his dragon-friendly(?) dishes below!
How to Feed Your Dragon: 4 Great Meal Recipes to Share with Your New Reptilian Friend
By Brian Naslund
So, you’ve gotten yourself into a situation where you need to feed a dragon. Cool.
Or not, depending on the details.
Is this meal meant to lay the foundation of an uneasy but potentially rich alliance? Is it functioning as payment for an act of service? Or are you just trying to avoid being eaten yourself?
Whatever the situation, here are my suggested recipes for different dragon types across the multiverse. Your results may vary. Widely.
The Classic Fish Treat
Ideal for a Night Fury from How to Train Your Dragon
Difficulty: Easy (assuming you don’t suck at fishing)
Ingredients:
- Fishing rod
- Any type of fresh fish. Mackerel, trout, and bass all work nicely
- Salt (optional)
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Instructions:
This one is very straightforward. Catch a fish and give it to the Night Fury—they’ll love it.
Just be warned that if you’re in a “slowly-building-an-alliance-via-acts-of-kindness” situation, that the Night Fury may vomit up half of the fish and offer it to you as a present. So, unless you like raw fish, consider grilling that baby and throwing some nice sea salt over top.
The Betrayal Lunch Platter
Ideal for a Red Skull Dragon from the Dragons of Terra
Difficulty: Medium (but this will depend on the flexibility of your moral compass)
Prep Time: 30 seconds (or however long it takes for you to summon ingredient #3 from within yourself)
Ingredients:
- One friend who is also running from the dragon with you
- A bludgeon instrument that can bash kneecaps pretty good
- A constitution for betrayal
Instructions:
Should you find yourself alone and on the run from a Red Skull, you will also soon find yourself at the bottom of the dragon’s belly. Unless you’re the Flawless Bershad.
For everyone else, the only way to avoid becoming a Red Skull’s lunch is to feed it someone else, first. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner-in-fleeing alongside you, the thing to do is strike that person on the kneecap as hard as you can with ingredient #2. This will turn them into a convenient lunch for the Red Skull.
Pro Tip: Don’t forget to keep running after you’ve prepared the Betrayal Lunch Platter. Red Skulls can eat two people for one meal, no problem.
The Infernal Dessert
Ideal for any type of Undead Dragon
Difficulty: Extremely Advanced
Ingredients:
- Soul of a True Warrior
- Valuable gemstone (in which to trap said warrior’s soul)
- A glaze made from infernal honey (optional, but highly recommended)
Prep Time: 1-300 years, depending on the availability of True Warriors in your area, and your general knowledge of the dark arts.
Instructions:
From the perspective of an undead dragon, a freshly killed and cooked goat might as well be a pile of bricks. They have no desire for such corporeal treats. If you want an Undead Dragon ally, you need to do better.
Enter, the Infernal Dessert.
A True Warrior’s Soul is the primary ingredient, and it’s a doozy to acquire. You either need to pay a very hefty price to a wizard who already has one (a good option for first-time cooks) or harvest it yourself. Problem there is that True Warrior’s tend to be pretty decent fighters, so bring your A-game. You also need to know how to trap souls, which can be a finicky process.
For the honey glaze, purchasing the ingredient is once again a good option. Look for a demon of some kind who accepts PayPal (you do NOT want to make some kind of personal bargain for the honey—that’s a losing situation for you).
Your other option is to travel to the nether-realm and collect your own honey. This depends on your budget and comfort level with inter-dimensional travel. Also, be aware that zombie-bee stings are no joke.
If you skip the honey, please adjust your expectation for taste and gratitude from the dragon.
The Coin Platter
Ideal for Treasure-Eating Dragons
Difficulty: Really depends on how rich you are, or how good you are at robbing people.
Ingredients:
- 200 copper coins
- 100 silver coins
- 50 gold coins
- 1 lbs. of edible glue
Prep Time: 3 hours (once you’ve acquired the coin)
Instructions:
Many people erroneously assume that all treasure-guarding dragons are also treasure-eating dragons. That’s false, so do your research or ask the dragon-in-question what they like to eat. Treasure Eating Dragons will often want metal because it strengthens their scales and hide.
Once you’ve confirmed that you are in fact dealing with a dragon that craves coin in their belly, it’s time to get your meal prepped. You might be thinking some gold candlesticks or silver forks are a good option, but that’s a rookie move. Coins are ideal because they’re easiest on the dragon’s digestive system, help with portion control, and offer a lot of flexibility in terms of presentation, so don’t skimp!
I’ve found that the above ingredients will generally get your through one complete meal—and I like to arrange them in a kind of floral situation—but feel free to experiment!
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